Archives for March 2008
Why Don’t You Just Shuddupalready
Several people now have tried to persuade me to take a different teaching contract in another city or even another country. Their suggestion, not surprisingly, is almost always Taiwan. I have to take this with a huge grain of salt, though, because these arguments come from returned missionaries and people who are from Taiwan. I suspect a tint of bias. I also suspect many people are just inherently against China for whatever reason.
I have one friend who, every time he sees me, badgers me about how Taiwan is cleaner, the food is better, and the people will treat me like a god. So when I say I’d still rather go to China, he concludes I must like my countries dirty and smelly. To be fair, every Chinese city I’ve been to has had a unique, unpleasant odor to it. I don’t particularly enjoy that, but that’s what makes the experience. No, I don’t like my countries dirty and smelly, but I do like them to be authentic.
Accepting that, others will tell me I should just “visit” China sometime instead of going back indefinitely to teach. But I hate being a tourist. You don’t learn anything by being a tourist. It’s when you live, work, and do your laundry there that you start to understand the culture and what makes it special. If I’m going to get to know a place, I want to dedicate that kind of time to it. I’d rather know a handful of countries really well than know them all vaguely. And I don’t feel like I completely know China, yet.
Cap and Gown
My mother and I were recently talking about how scary it is to graduate, because you take a big step into the unknown. When you go to school, that’s your life for the next 4-6 years. You have a purpose and a place to be. Then it ends, and you’re suddenly expected to get a job. A real job. Doing cold calls for Convergys isn’t going to cut it anymore. I’m sure that’s why so many people continue going to school; they’re afraid to start working 9-5 in the same place for the rest of their lives. Hey, I’m willing to admit it. I find it terrifying. To me, staying and trying to find a job is scarier than going to China.
The thing is, I’m still young, and I need change and crave adventure. Some day, it will be different. Everyone has to eventually settle down and become a functioning member of society. But why so soon? It surprises me how much of a hurry some people are in to jump into complacency. Then they try to convince you to do the same, like they are doing you a favor. I don’t understand. If you had the chance to do something different that would change your life forever, wouldn’t you want to take it? I would.
It’s Cool to Boycott the Beijing Olympics
But how can anyone say no to a face like this?
Scaredy Pants
I have been wanting—nay, needing—to go teach in China again since my summer 2006 contract ended. The past two years have felt empty and pointless while I waited to finish school before heading back overseas. But now that it’s finally here, now that I’ve finally confirmed with my contact that I’m coming, I find myself very reluctant and nearly sick to my stomach. I really do want to do this; that’s not the problem. The problem is that I’m going alone. I was hoping to be able to share the experience with a friend, but none of them are in a position where they can drop everything and leave the country, or they just won’t admit that, at heart, they’re big wimps.
I kid! I kid! Don’t hit!
I’m just scared, because I will have nobody to bounce ideas off of, nobody to say to, “Hey, what worked in your class today?” or, “I can’t think of any more prepositions to use in my lesson. Help me!” Even just having someone there to vent your frustrations to over the washing machines is such a relief. It’s difficult to be yourself around people who don’t understand American culture and slang, regardless of how much English they may know.
On the other hand, there’s no better way to learn Chinese than to be forced into it. And I am all for adventure, however scary. I know once I’m there and have been teaching for a week or two, I will love it and be glad I went. I always am. I guess this eats on me as much as it does, because this is like my final step towards growing up. I’m done with school, about to enter the bigger world (which I’ve taken to an extreme), and at a point where I may never return home.
That’s not to say I will live in China forever, but, considering Utah is my home, it’s in my best interest to stay away. Thanks to certain choices I have made over the years (i.e. religion), it will be pretty easy to leave most of this place. But there are still some things—some people—I’m not entirely ready to let go of. And I hate saying goodbye.
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