Archives for June 2008
Chinese Medical Exam From Oh! to Pee
When I went to the hospital for my mandatory Chinese medical exam, I wasn’t seen by just one doctor. Oh no, this wasn’t like going in for a physical. I had to stop by several different offices to see several different doctors who all ran me through their own wacky tests. I even had an X-ray and an ultrasound to make sure I wasn’t harboring any alien babies.
There were two things I found interesting about this experience. First, the clinic wasn’t very concerned with patient privacy, as a girl going in for a checkup was often in the same room as me. Second, the eye exam was just one character (山… or maybe it was an English E) repeated several times, but it was occasionally upside down or sideways. Instead of reading the letters, I just pointed in the direction the character was pointing.
Thankfully, one of the English teachers from the school went with me and was able to translate and explain a lot of what was going on. At the last stop—the urinary clinic—she handed me a cup and said, “Would you please… uh…” Taking the cup, I said, “Don’t worry, I think I know what to do with this.”
I’m Trying not to Starve in China
This is the last day of being a complete lazy butt. Tomorrow, I have a medical exam for my residency papers, then I’m moving downtown to start teaching at the training school. I’m nervous about teaching, but I also look forward to it. I’m just so bored right now.
The only time I left the apartment today was to go find something to eat. I went to a market a couple bus stops away with a huge craving for a banana. But I was only going to buy a banana if I could get the vendor to tell me what it’s called in Chinese. So I confronted her and asked, “Na shi shenme.” And she said, “A banana.” I said, “No. Na jiao shenme,” and she replied, “Banana.” … She probably thought I was the stupidest American ever. I eventually got her to say, “Xiangjiao,” though, then I bought one and ate it.
I also picked up an ice cream bar. Ice cream in China is usually pretty good, but this one, much to my dismay, had chunks of mango and raisins in it. Raisins! In my ice cream! I hate raisins in anything, but ice cream has got to be the worst place raisins could end up. Yuck.
So a banana and three bites of an ice cream bar didn’t fill me up. I thought about braving the dumpling shop again (unless the same cashier was there, then I’d turn tail and run), but on my way, I passed a booth that was selling pancake/omelet things. I was just going to use the old line, “I’ll have what he’s having,” until a little girl intervened and tried to walk me through the process of ordering from scratch. She wouldn’t accept pointing; she was certain I knew more Chinese than I was letting on and insisted that I order correctly.
I finally got my pancake/omelet thing, which was delicious, but I didn’t learn what any of it was called in Chinese. Nevertheless, I was at least able to walk away without feeling stupid. That’s an improvement, right?
Ordering and Avoiding in Chinese
Two days ago, when somebody would ask if I knew Chinese, I’d roll over and stick my hands and feet in the air. Now, I can at least say with some confidence, “Wo bu hui shuo.” (I can’t speak.)
Last night, a guy sat by me on the bus. I found this odd, because I was at the back, and there were several open seats at the front. He fidgeted and kept glancing at my Chinese-English dictionary, then finally said, “The words in that book are so small!” Between what little English he knew and what little Chinese I knew, we were able to have a decent conversation. One of the last things he said to me before I got off was, “You must be very brave… come to China by yourself!”
Oh, but I don’t feel brave. Not right now, anyway. I’m camped out in my apartment, watching Samantha Who, for crying out loud! Please don’t ask why. Any comments that bring it up will get deleted.
I’ll get better. I know I will. I’ve always said that if I can do this, if I can teach in China by myself, I can do anything. On the plane to Tokyo, I sat by a girl who is in a similar situation… in Thailand. It’s comforting to know there are other crazy people out there. She said something that really stuck with me, though. She said doing this wasn’t just about her, it was about proving to others that you can be adventurous, and things will be okay.
Things will be okay!
In fact, I visited the World English training school today. The director introduced me to two of the other American teachers, and I about collapsed. It had been four days since I last saw a white person. I was beginning to think they didn’t exist. What a relief to hear native English for a few hours!
I’ve kind of enjoyed being dumped into so much Chinese, though. Just being around it seems to help. I do pick out a lot, but as soon as someone says a sentence I don’t get, I’m lost. For instance: the cafeteria closed for the weekend, so I had to find my own breakfast. I went to a Chinese fast food restaurant and tried to order dumplings. Here’s the transcript of my conversation with the cashier, translated into comparable English:
“Do you have dumplings?”
“Yes, there’s a list of all our dumplings over there.”
“Well, I just want some meat dumplings.”
“Which ones? We have several kinds of meat dumplings.”
“Duh…. um…. der….”
“What ones do you want?”
“Uh….”
“I’m just going to give you these ones. How many do you want?”
“Der…. uh…. duh….”
“Well….?”
“Um…. er….”
“Hurry up. There’s another customer behind you.”
“Yes! Spicy!”
“I’m going to give you eight. Please don’t come back.”
I was so embarrassed, I contemplated ditching my food and heading over to KFC where they have a menu for dummies: all pointing, no talking.
Kentucky Fried Orange Chicken
KFC in China is teh awesomes. KFC has saved my life so many times before, and it’s clearly going to be my safe haven again. KFC is also expensive. Well… when comparing a chicken sandwich to a bowl of noodles, a bottle of soy milk, and a steamed bun, it is. I don’t really care about the money, but I’m in a bit of a bind. I only exchanged $100 before relinquishing my passport to the Public Safety Bureau for my residency papers, and now I’m living on a tight budget. I’m in China, and I’m on a tight budget. Ha…
I’ve been relying on the cafeteria food to get by, but it hasn’t been a very filling experience. Lunch and dinner consist of rice with two or three sides and a bowl of soup (that doubles as a drink), and everything is pretty hit or miss. I feel guilty about not eating all my food, but then I look at the other people in the cafeteria, and they usually don’t eat all their food, either. The sad thing is, the dishes they throw out are the dishes I lick clean. We definitely come from different worlds.
A Walk Around Changzhou
Check out some of this beautiful scenery:
You’ll notice a recurring theme in these pictures: it’s all construction work. I’m pretty sure Changzhou is 40% construction right now. I can’t figure out if the weird noises I’m hearing are my washing machine or the cranes outside my window. Alas, I’m too lazy to investigate.
So I’m finding it very difficult building the courage to go outside. Since I’m an American, I get a lot of attention, and since I’m by myself, all the attention is focused on me. There’s nobody to share the stares with. That’s going to be hard to get used to. A lot of things are going to be hard to get used to, because it’s been two years since I was last in China, and I’ve fallen out of touch with a lot of the things I grew to love (or grudgingly accept, if you will) in the past.
I didn’t even realize how little Chinese I knew until I went to the grocery store and had no idea how to ask for a fly swatter, no idea what the cashier was trying to tell me. I’m so overwhelmed, even when I do understand and know how to answer, I freeze up. Some of the students here followed me to the gate, and one of them asked, “Ni jiao shenme mingzi.” (What is your name?) I stuttered, trying to answer before his friend saved me by saying, “Ta bu zhidao zhongwen.” (He doesn’t know Chinese.)
It was kind of surprising that I even understood that, but it’s clear I still have a long ways to go.
MEGATON
Okay, so this is the part where things get interesting. I’m in China. Again. Jeez, when will this ever stop?
Right now, I’m at the Wujin Star campus in Changzhou. My apartment is huge. I have a kitchen and an office, a TV and a DVD player, a computer and a washing machine, a queen-sized bed and a bike. Oh, and some mosquitoes. It’s a nice setup, although the shower nozzle broke the first time I used it, and now I take my baths with a hose.
I am told there will be another foreign teacher come September, a guy from Egypt. September is when I will actually start teaching here, too. I’m only at Wujin Star this early to work out my residency papers before I move downtown for the summer training school. This is the part that has me the most worried. The training school’s schedule is more rigorous, and I’ll be living in a hotel. Maybe I shouldn’t have been in such a hurry to leave Utah.
One thing that is making this transition difficult is the image of my two nephews. I’ve spent a lot of time with them in the past, so it was hard to say goodbye. We stopped at their house on the way to the airport, and the younger nephew, who is seven, came up to me with a stack of paper plates that had pictures painted on them and said, “You can take one of these with you to China.” I picked one with a pumpkin on it, then flipped the plate over and saw a message on the back:
I will miss you
Clark
Its
a pumkin Noah
“How did you know I was going to pick this one?” I asked. He showed me the back of the other three plates; they all had messages, too.
During our brief stay there, my nephew said to me, about three or four times, “I’ll miss you!” I never really heard anybody say that until then. His voice still rings in my head, and every time I think about it, it makes me sad. Suddenly, the weight of a year contract sinks in. Suddenly, the idea of taking on additional contracts after this one ends isn’t so appealing, not when there is a little kid back in the U.S. who needs me to beat Wolf on Super Smash Bros. Brawl for him.
3.14159
The latest exchange rate for the Chinese yuan to the American dollar is 6.8. When I was in China in 2005, it was 8.2. In 2006, it was 7.9. I like to round numbers (which gets me in trouble when people ask for the time; they hate finding out I’ve been lying to them by rounding 1:55 to 2:00), so back then, I just said the rate was eight to one, and life was beautiful. Eight yuan to one dollar made everything seem cheap. It made everything desirable.
“Oh, I must have that! It’s only… er… divide that by eight… 15 cents!”
Granted, seven to one (I’m rounding to seven, at least for the rest of this year) is still relatively cheap, but it’s a sure sign that the yuan is getting stronger, and the dollar isn’t. While I don’t think the two will ever be equal, I also don’t think the gap is going to stop shrinking any time soon. Hurry! Go! Exchange your money while you still can!
Ahem…
The thing that really concerns me about all this, though, is how much more difficult it is to quickly and mentally divide numbers by seven instead of eight. Seriously, it’s a bugger. Let’s just get to six and stay there for a while.
I Can Has Play Time?
I just submitted what could possibly be my last video game review. Ever. For the past three years, I’ve been a staff writer for Nintendo Spin, but only recently has this paid off in the form of advanced copies of games to review (usually the obscure ones that need attention). Now that I’m moving to China, though, it’s not going to be so easy to contribute. I won’t have access to console games anymore, and I probably won’t bother writing about the few handheld games I will play.
It’s sad, really.
For better or worse, video games have been a big part of my life. I grew up with a TI-99/4A and NES, made some great friends by having a common interest in the Nintendo 64, and spent most of my first visit to Beijing playing Harvest Moon. I read game news more than I read regular-type news (the rate is pretty much 95%). So of course I’m taking my DS with me to China, but I’m still leaving a lot behind. Laugh all you want; games are one of the harder things to part with concerning my American lifestyle.
Why, oh why, does de Blob have to come out after I leave?!
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