Archives for August 2008
Can Foreigners be Themselves?
So I live in China by myself, and I don’t have to adhere to any rules this time. I can date if I want, but… is it really wise to get into that? I find it difficult just being friends with people, because we’re always misunderstanding each other. I probably have a long list of cultural no-no’s I’ve unknowingly committed. It gives you the impression everyone’s got the wrong idea about you when you’re not even sure what you’ve done!
In a way, these misunderstandings are part of the fun of being here, but it also gets tiring having to suppress the real you. Most people get hopelessly confused when I start to talk fast or make jokes or use slang, yet that’s an integral part of who I am! And if I feel like I can’t be entirely myself, what must they be going through? I often wonder what my friends and students are like when they don’t have to think about what they say, when they aren’t hindered by a small vocabulary.
Would you want to date someone you can’t talk freely with? Some foreigners, of course, aren’t too concerned about the who, they just like the what. And everyone says it is easy for a foreigner to find a girlfriend. I think, though, that much of this is based on our being a novelty. I don’t want to date someone if their only interest in me is that I’m white, and I speak English. I like to think there’s more to me than that, even if there’s not. It’s still nice to pretend.
Out of this World
Thursday was my last day of work at World English. I’ve already moved back to my apartment in Wujin District, and I’ll start teaching primary at Star School on Monday. Feels like a pretty big jump. There will be plenty to report then. In the meantime, enjoy the sights of Changzhou!
New to Cell Phone Etiquette
This is the first time I’ve ever had a cell phone. Surprised, aren’t you? We live in a day where even ten-year olds are part of a network, so why am I so late to the party? The truth is… I hate cell phones. I don’t like the idea of always being reachable, and I don’t like how people will put me on hold mid-conversation so they can text their buddy about what car to buy.
In a free talk, we were discussing good and bad manners, and all the students agreed that it is impolite to answer and talk on your phone during class. Five minutes later, the phone of the guy sitting in front rings, and he answers it… and he talks on it… in the middle of class. Speechless, I could only gape at him. The rest of the class laughed, because they knew exactly what I was thinking.
My mantra is that present company takes precedence over interrupters, so I usually don’t answer my phone or send messages when I’m with others. But now several people are upset with me because I do that. I’m confused. Who am I supposed to be polite to?! I tried to explain this to one friend, and she said, “I guess it’s one of those differences between Chinese and American culture.” Oh, but I was quick to point out that I’m just an exception. There really is no difference.
People were mad at me before I had a cell phone, because I didn’t have a cell phone, and now that I have a cell phone, people are mad at me, because I haven’t yet surgically attached it to my left hand. So please, enlighten me, what constitutes proper cell phone etiquette?
Please Send me a Copy
The way to speak polite, formally-saturated English is to keep throwing in more words until you start sounding like the subservient town fool pleading for a second chance:
Send me a copy.
Please send me a copy.
Would you please send me a copy?
Would it be possible to send me a copy?
Would you be so kind as to send me a copy?
Could you be so kind as to possibly send me a copy?
Could you please be so kind as to possibly send me…
Okay, now you’re just being annoying.
Crazy English Saves the World
We all knew this day was coming, but it still rocked the boat. One of the three foreign teachers at World English just left. This created a huge hole that the other two teachers (myself included) are scrambling to fill. In other words, I’ve had to sacrifice portions of my free days to come back in and teach.
But I’m not sure who to be bitter with: the teacher for leaving like he said he would, or the school for being ill-prepared. Things still worked out, I was just angry, because it interfered with plans I had already made. And if you know me at all, you know I have a serious weakness for chocolate chip cookies. But… that’s entirely irrelevant to what I was going to say. If you know me at all, you know I like to make plans. There’s nothing I hate more than having nothing to do on a free day. Except getting struck by lightening.
So to help with the onslaught of free talks I have coming up, I broke down and bought one of my favorite books: Blurt Out by Li Yang. Li Yang actually owns a very well-known brand called Crazy English, but his Blurt Out series isn’t as popular as his other works. And that’s too bad, because there are some great, classic American phrases in it. Things like:
Do you think I’m stupid?
Be a man!
I can’t stand it when…
I don’t have a clue.
I couldn’t care less.
… and many, many more!
If this is starting to sound like an advertisement, well… it is. I think very highly of this book, because it saved my life back when I taught in Wuwei, and it’s saving my life again in Changzhou. Seriously, if you’re an ESL student, you need to check it out. And if you’re not an ESL student… hey, how’s the weather today?
Since I figured out how to switch GIMP on the school computer from Chinese to English, I can also finally post a picture of my daily dofunao:
Quote of the Day
“Why today my grammar is so bad?!”
I love it.
EFL Students are Smarter than the Teacher
I’ve been trying to play a lot of games for my free talks just so I don’t have to spend as much time preparing for them. So I do things like Taboo or Scattegories or Boggle. The problem with games like Scattegories and Boggle, though, is that you get people who come up with ridiculous words and who stop at nothing to justify them.
Granted, this is EFL, so you would think it wouldn’t be such a problem. However, the students have this habit of relying on their translators for everything, a device that often goes over the head of common sense. I stress that it’s against the rules to use translators, because I’m not testing how well they can look up fancy words, I’m testing how well they can think in English. So I tell them, “If it’s a word I’ve never heard before, I’m going to assume you’re using a translator, and it doesn’t count.” One of the advanced students didn’t like this. She huffed, “What makes you the dictionary? Just because you don’t know a word! That’s not fair!” Well, these are my principles. If you don’t like them… I have others!
I find it funny when the students contest the laws of English with me. Sure, I’m no English scholar (only a runner-up), but there is a huge difference between what the students read in their books (which is sometimes wrong, anyway) and how people actually talk. And that’s where I come in! For instance, I had one student who refused to accept that a beard is countable, because “the book said.” She had to consult three different foreigners before coming around to the idea that you don’t have beard, you have a beard.
I’ll give them some credit, because they really dive into the rules of English. Native speakers don’t think too much about all 15 different tenses, which are nice to know but hardly necessary. We just talk. Once you’ve gotten to that point, the next step is learning when to shut up!
Stand and Sing for the Olympics
There is a huge TV in the center of the shopping mall that plays Olympic games all day long. Last night, several people—myself included—stopped to watch the women’s badminton game, China against the US. And I found myself in a predicament. Normally, I cheer for the US when the US is playing another country, and I cheer for China when China is playing another country. So who do I root for when they play each other?! I just wanted one side to hurry up and win so I could say, “Yep, that’s mah team,” but the advantage kept creeping up until China finally won 29 to 27.
On a similar note, I had gone out with a friend yesterday, and she asked if I could sing America’s national anthem. I froze up. All that came to mind was the tune of “Mo Li Hua.” In fact, I couldn’t remember how any English song went! How sad is that? The transformation has begun…
Of course, just when my “ting bu dong” anger issues were subsiding, I got worked over by some guys in the elevator. It’s silly, but it really is my pet peeve, like how you don’t call Marty McFly “chicken” or Raymond J. Johnson “Mr.” But, you know, there will come a day when I do “dong,” and that’ll be the day when I’ve also forgotten how to say the pledge of allegiance.
I’m totally joking about that last bit.
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