The Five Things I Don’t Like Hearing

When I posted the article Mr. Negative, I should have clarified that it didn’t mark the end of my complaining. Come on, guys, isn’t it as therapeutic for you as it is for me to make a public list of the obnoxious things I have to hear on a regular basis? Maybe we can learn a little something along the way. It’ll be fun! Starting with my favorite:

1. Hello
Of course this one’s going to top of the list. What foreigner doesn’t grow to hate the hello? While there’s nothing wrong with a warm greeting between two passersby, many people have gotten into the habit of heckling foreigners with this one and not letting up until they get some kind of reaction. I’m not talking about a wave or a smile or a return hello, either. That usually doesn’t satiate them, which means I’m still not sure what it is they hope to accomplish.

2. Laowai / Waiguoren
I’ve addressed the issue of being called Laowai instead of Mr. Nielsen enough, but there’s more to the picture than that. I feel like all of China has signed up for a game of I Spy, and when anyone sees a foreigner, they must drop everything they’re doing and blurt out, “Waiguoren!” Seriously, people will stop mid-sentence to make this observation. It’s not so much addressing you, either, as it is just letting those around them know that a foreigner is in the area.

3. May I come in?
You might question why something so polite would be on this list, but it seems that, no matter how many times I ask my students to drop this one, they just won’t let it go. I’m guessing “May I come in?” is a formality their previous EFL teachers introduced, and it drives me crazy. Any student coming into class late stops at the door and bellows, “May I come in?!” even if I’m in the middle of explaining something important. It’s a constant reminder I’m not getting through to these kids as quickly as I had hoped.

4. When will you get married?
I thought I had dodged this question once I left Utah, where your business is everybody’s business, but apparently it’s okay to pressure acquaintances you don’t know very well into marriage here, too. What gets to me, though, is that the people who ask if/when I will marry the girlfriend I’ve only been dating for four months have been dating their significant others for two or three years! Why don’t you get married, huh? Why don’t you get married!

5. Your nose is big.
Nobody is more aware of my big nose than I am, and nobody likes being reminded of it as much as I do. Or, uh… don’t? Since pointing out the obvious seems to be such a celebrated pastime, everyone can join in on the fun of bringing attention to the parts of our bodies we’re most self-conscious about! Fortunately, the only thing they’ve got on me is a big nose. Other people, both foreign and Chinese, aren’t so lucky.

25 February 2009 | China, Teaching | Comments | Home
tags: chinese, dating, expat life, lists, manners

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