I Dream of Butt Massages

Back in my hometown, a poisonous cloud had started spreading across the city. Everyone started to evacuate, but the resulting traffic jams meant I wasn’t able to get out of town fast enough. The poison got to me. It didn’t make me sick, though. It just made my butt itch. Like, really, really bad. The local clinic said my condition was too serious for them to treat. They suggested going to Japan for the cure.

The hospital in Japan was also a restaurant, and one of my friends was dining there with his girlfriend. The doctor took me to a side room, had me lie face down on a table, and proceeded to massage my butt. Yeah, I wasn’t very comfortable with this arrangement. Worse, the table had wheels and kept rolling into the dining hall. I was so embarrassed every time my friend looked up and saw me.

Before the “treatment” was complete, though, a stone golem came to the restaurant, looking for my friend. Apparently, my friend had helped the golem book a flight out of the country and was supposed to escort him to the US. Today. Right now. Naturally, my friend no longer wanted to go, because he was on a date. He asked me to take his place. The golem and I returned to the US.

Home again, I found that my sister had been murdered by an assassin (who was also a friend of mine). My family was worried the assassin would come back to kill the rest of us. We boarded up our house and looked extensively for any secret entrances we didn’t know about. Then the doorbell rang. It was the assassin’s sister, saying she wanted to have a sleep over.

19 December 2009 | Anything Goes | Comments | Home
tags: dreams

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