Archives for Category "Anything Goes"
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This is my last week of school, which, on its own, is pretty hard to sit through, anyway. But this week is even more so for me, because, when I say last, I mean last. Graduation is in four days, and I’m ready to write off any future educational endeavors. Please, no more school! It’s taken me way too long just to get where I am today. People keep asking me if I will go to grad school, though. Then they’re shocked and/or disappointed when I say no. Come on, guys, are you really that surprised?
I am.
It’s crazy to think that this time three years ago, I was in the middle of a teaching stint in China. I still can’t figure out what possessed me to go. I used to be such a complacent, self-defeating pessimist. Continuing to go to school would have been a perfect fit. But then I joined ILP on a huge whim. It was that or live at home and feel worthless for another semester. Needless to say, life hasn’t been the same since.
Sure, volunteer jobs like this are supposed to change you, but then you come home and move on with your career. It hit me much deeper, though. I suddenly find myself very restless and eager to travel the world, and I don’t care as much anymore about working in games or film. I only stuck through school so I could at least finish my degree. Even I understand the merit of that. But now that that’s done, it’s time to do what I really want:
Cap and Gown
My mother and I were recently talking about how scary it is to graduate, because you take a big step into the unknown. When you go to school, that’s your life for the next 4-6 years. You have a purpose and a place to be. Then it ends, and you’re suddenly expected to get a job. A real job. Doing cold calls for Convergys isn’t going to cut it anymore. I’m sure that’s why so many people continue going to school; they’re afraid to start working 9-5 in the same place for the rest of their lives. Hey, I’m willing to admit it. I find it terrifying. To me, staying and trying to find a job is scarier than going to China.
The thing is, I’m still young, and I need change and crave adventure. Some day, it will be different. Everyone has to eventually settle down and become a functioning member of society. But why so soon? It surprises me how much of a hurry some people are in to jump into complacency. Then they try to convince you to do the same, like they are doing you a favor. I don’t understand. If you had the chance to do something different that would change your life forever, wouldn’t you want to take it? I would.
Scaredy Pants
I have been wanting—nay, needing—to go teach in China again since my summer 2006 contract ended. The past two years have felt empty and pointless while I waited to finish school before heading back overseas. But now that it’s finally here, now that I’ve finally confirmed with my contact that I’m coming, I find myself very reluctant and nearly sick to my stomach. I really do want to do this; that’s not the problem. The problem is that I’m going alone. I was hoping to be able to share the experience with a friend, but none of them are in a position where they can drop everything and leave the country, or they just won’t admit that, at heart, they’re big wimps.
I kid! I kid! Don’t hit!
I’m just scared, because I will have nobody to bounce ideas off of, nobody to say to, “Hey, what worked in your class today?” or, “I can’t think of any more prepositions to use in my lesson. Help me!” Even just having someone there to vent your frustrations to over the washing machines is such a relief. It’s difficult to be yourself around people who don’t understand American culture and slang, regardless of how much English they may know.
On the other hand, there’s no better way to learn Chinese than to be forced into it. And I am all for adventure, however scary. I know once I’m there and have been teaching for a week or two, I will love it and be glad I went. I always am. I guess this eats on me as much as it does, because this is like my final step towards growing up. I’m done with school and about to enter the bigger world. In this case, I’ve taken that to the extreme.
