A Fat Chinese Person is a Normal American
On returning home, one of the first differences that struck me between the US and China was the size of the people. Americans are big. They’re taller, stronger, fatter, just… bigger all around. In China, you go to the store, and it’s packed with people who all look like super thin supermodels. There’s not a single fat person to be found anywhere.
Well, fat Chinese people do exist, they’re just very rare. I only saw one or two truly obese people the entire time I was there. Maybe it’s their diet (of KFC and ice cream) or all the walking they do, or maybe Asians just got lucky in that sense. But not everyone is scarily thin. Some of my students were obviously spoiled and well-fed, and, in the summer, the men do like to roll their shirts up to reveal their beer guts.
Because the majority of people are thin, though, they have a twisted view of what normal weight is. Anybody who has any bit of meat on them is labeled fat, and the only thing that garners more chuckling and pointing than a white person getting on the bus is an obese person. It’s sad how a beautiful Chinese girl by American standards faces constant ridicule for being “chunky,” and it’s sad how people have no qualms about informing said girl she needs to lose weight.
This is the part I will never understand about China. Why is it acceptable for people, even first acquaintances, to tell others they’re fat, that they need to lose weight, that they need to eat less, that their boyfriends will never love them if they continue to eat so much? Yes, these are all common jabs. Even more obnoxious is how my students would always refer to their slightly bigger classmate as “the fat one.” Those kids loved pointing out fat people. It was an obsession.
Apologists like to bring up that China is simply a more open society. And that’s definitely true. Frequent comments were made about my acne and my big nose and even my lack of weight. Open or not, though, if you call somebody fat, even a Chinese person, you run the risk of hurting their feelings. Nobody likes being reminded of their physical flaws. Remember the “chunky” but beautiful Chinese girl? Yeah, her feelings get hurt, too.
China is no Excuse to be a Jerk
I was invited to a government banquet and sat at a table with several other foreigners. Before the dinner got underway, one of the foreigners started to get out of his seat, then plopped back down and laughed. “I was going to go outside to smoke, but then I realized I’m in China!” After he lit up, he continued, “I’ve fully embraced Chinese culture.”
No, what you’ve fully embraced is being a douchebag.
Many foreign smokers like to play the “fitting in” card to excuse themselves, but, really, they’re just relieved they no longer have to be on their best behavior like they do when they’re home. Whether you’re Chinese or American, though, cigarette smoke still bothers the non-smoker. The only difference is that a Chinese woman will cough meekly to let you know it bothers her. An American woman will say, “If you don’t put that out, I’m going to kick your ass.”
I’ve been to dinner with a lot of foreigners who didn’t hesitate to smoke in front of me. These are people who come from countries where huge resources are put into banning indoor smoking and informing people how harmful it is. The foreigners know this. They know I know this. It’s not like we are Chinese and think cigarettes are magically good for us. But because they are in China, they revert back to a 60s mindset where my feelings are none of their business.
Granted, if I wasn’t such a weenie, I could easily object. But I don’t. ‘Cause I’m a weenie. In a way, I can relate to the many Chinese women who don’t appreciate it when their husbands and boyfriends smoke but who never bother to put their foot down (in public, at least). It’s hard to be the one to say something. Chinese men will usually ignore your request, anyway, which is why I’d like to think the foreigners who know better would be the ones to set the good example.
I’m Chinese. It’s Okay to Stare.
My kitchen is on the bottom floor and doesn’t have blinds or drapes to cover the windows. A few days ago, I was making a sandwich, when I looked up and saw an old man with his face pressed up against the bars, staring at me. This guy has seen me hundreds of times before outside, but today, he was utterly fascinated. Annoyed, I stopped what I was doing and stared back at him. We looked at each other for about a minute before he finally nodded. I mistook that nod to mean he would go about his business, so I went back to my sandwich. I looked up again, though, and he was still there. I put my knife down, stood, folded my arms, and stared at him again for another minute. He finally smiled, gave me a thumbs up, and left.
I hate that so much.
As a foreigner in China, the staring never goes away. It’s also something I can never get used to. I was raised to believe that staring at someone is rude. If, by chance, you do stare at someone (let’s be honest, some people are so damn weird-looking, you have to stare), it’s common courtesy to hide it. When your eyes meet, you’re supposed to quickly turn your head, as though to say, “I wasn’t staring! I’m just looking around the room! Don’t mind me! Doo dee doo dee doo!”
Chinese people don’t look away. It doesn’t even bother them when you stare back. I kept telling myself to test how long it takes for them to break, but I always got too uncomfortable and was the first one to look at something else. Well, that’s all changed, Mister. I’ve had it with the attention, and now I stare back. I won’t budge until they do, until it occurs to them that, hey, hello, I can see you, stop treating me like I don’t know what’s going on. On the bus to school today, two guys took immediate interest in me, but I just held my gaze until they finally turned their staring into nervous glances.
Unfortunately, that’s the only time that’s ever worked.
Earlier this month, I was at Hot Pot with my girlfriend. When a little girl at another table noticed there was a laowai in the room, she started taking pictures of me and giggling to her parents. I stopped eating and stared at her, waiting for her to finally get the hint. Several minutes passed, and my girlfriend asked, “What’s wrong?” I explained how the girl and her parents were making a spectacle of me. My girlfriend turned around to look at them. As soon as she did, the girl put her camera away and hid her face. Yep. It’s no big deal when the foreigner sees you staring at him. But when his Chinese girlfriend notices? Now that’s embarrassing.
Teachers’ Retreat and Spontaneous Favors
Every year, Changzhou holds a retreat for all the foreign teachers. Last year, it was in November and was a great way to finally meet some fellow foreigners who I would otherwise never know existed. This year, Changzhou was a little late organizing the event. It’s already mid-December, and the semester’s almost over. It’s frustrating to finally talk to new people when I’ll be going home in a month.
This retreat was a little unfocused, as well. We were given an extensive tour of a middle school nobody had heard of before, subjected to a 30-minute investment opportunity pitch for a solar energy company, and sent through an art museum where everything was readily available for purchase. Look, guys, we’re foreign teachers. We’re not made of money. Besides, wasn’t this supposed to be honoring teachers instead of soliciting them?
Another common occurrence when foreigners are invited to a party in China is to spontaneously ask them to give a performance. I was recently invited by my school to attend a banquet on Friday. After I accepted, the teacher then added, “We also want you to sing a song or do a dance.” And this happens all the time! At the retreat, we were watching a series of musical numbers when the next item on the program called for “classic foreign songs.” Guess who they wanted to sing them? Yep. Classic foreign teachers.
It pays to read the program before you sit down. Seriously, though, am I being invited as a guest or as a performer? Get it right before you extend an invitation.
Five Things I Don’t Like About China
I’ve been sitting on this list for a while, trying to pinpoint exactly what it is that’s been bothering me. Yeah, after 16 months of straight China, I’m in serious need of a break. Now before I get bombarded with comments telling me I can go home whenever I want, keep in mind that I’m still here by my own choosing, and there are still things I like about being here, too. But you don’t always get a positive post from me.
1. The attention
No matter how much I try to put myself in their shoes, I still can’t accept the staring and pointing and giggling and obnoxious “Hallooooo!” calls as anything but condescending. People have suggested moving to a bigger city, like Shanghai, to get away from the attention, but then the locals treat you like a tourist or a language opportunity, and you still don’t feel like you’re being given much respect as an individual.
2. The traffic
This is something you just never get used to. It is so unbelievable how drivers have no regard for the well-being of pedestrians. I seriously never feel safe, even when I’m using the crosswalk with the lights in my favor. Drivers (particularly e-bike drivers, who are the worst) carelessly break all the rules and still have the gumption to honk at you for not getting out of their way fast enough. Oh, it gets better. At night, they’ll even flash their brights at you.
3. The crowds
I’m from a small town in rural Utah. I find it hard to adapt to big cities, and China definitely pushes the envelope. It’s tiring and a tad frustrating having to put up with so many people everywhere you go. It’s impossible to squeeze onto the bus after 8:30, and weekends and holidays jam up the trains so much, it’s better to stay home. Unfortunately, people have taken the crowded factor as an excuse to be pushy and inconsiderate.
4. The smoking
60% of Chinese men smoke. 59% of Chinese men don’t care whether or not it bothers you. Smoking is everywhere. It’s part of the culture. Some people are convinced it’s even good for you. So very few places have no-smoking rules, and of those places, very few actually enforce them. The Chinese smoker is a persistent bugger, though, and he’ll just hide in the bathroom and make it smell even worse. Thanks, but I don’t really like dry-heaving and urinating at the same time.
5. The Internet
I didn’t want this list to become too political, but, honest to God, the Internet censorship drives me crazy. As a web developer and overall computer junkie, I’m on the Internet a lot. Some of my most frequently visited sites, however, like Youtube and Facebook and Blogspot, don’t work in China. Plus, Google periodically blocks a random search, making it hard to do something as simple as looking up teaching ideas. Workarounds exist, but I just want normal Internet.
Smokers are a Special Kind of Asshole
I never did like cigarette smoke (which classifies me as normal), but after being in China for an extended period of time, I’ve adapted a very strong, physical intolerance towards it. This problem has been one part Chinese cigarettes smell like smoldering crap and one part smoking is everywhere. It’s to the point now that if the smell is too thick, I get teary-eyed and start gagging and dry-heaving. Needless to say, I spend much of my free time on the verge of throwing up. Thanks, smoking douchebags!
Don’t worry, this isn’t going to turn into a moral lesson on why it’s important to quit. I understand smoking is a free choice. I also realize that, if we’re in a public, open area, making a scene out of a smoker’s habit makes me look like the asshole. What pisses me off is how so many smokers in China knowingly and apathetically ignore No Smoking signs, particularly indoors where the smoke doesn’t dissipate but just lingers forever. You already know my feelings about this, though. I’ve complained about it enough times.
When someone starts smoking in a place they’re not supposed to, nobody says anything. Too many people are of the mindset that bad people are bad people, and you should just let them be. After reading so many stories in the newspaper about Chinese citizens beating each other to death over silly issues of personal shame, maybe not getting involved really is the best solution. Nevertheless, it drives me crazy, especially since I, not being fluent and always fearing retaliation, am too scared to be the one to take a stand. But I have my limits, and they’ve been pushed many times.
When I finally do decide to call smokers out on their rule-breaking behavior, I am always surprised by their willingness to completely ignore me or treat me like an idiot. They will actually try to hide their lit cigarette from me, thinking that if I can’t see it, then there’s no harm done! A few of the other guys I’ve confronted simply said, “I know I can’t smoke here,” before taking another puff and showing no intention of stopping. Wow. All of my anxieties over talking to people about their smoking were true.
I went rollerskating a few nights ago. They have No Smoking signs posted everywhere, probably because the ashes could ruin the hardwood floor, and probably because nobody wants to inhale nasty cigarette smoke when they’re doing sports. One guy didn’t care and was sitting on the side, right underneath the sign, blowing smoke in my face every time I skated past. Three times, I told him (in Chinese) that he couldn’t smoke here. Every time, he’d say, “I know,” but do nothing about it. Even after I smacked the cigarette out of his hand, he lit another one as soon as I left.
Before things turned to fisticuffs, a few other guys stopped skating to join the light up, and I knew the only way I was going to restore peace was to inform the attendant. I hate being a nark (and I rue the day my middle school classmates realized nark rhymes with Clark), but this was getting ridiculous. This needed to stop. I know smoking is sort of a Chinese tradition, as apologists like to note, but when businesses establish rules to help propagate healthy changes, people need to pay attention. Assholes included. And out they went.
China Ruins Tourism
As I get into this post, you’ll probably point out that other foreign countries are the same way, so let’s just get that out in the open right now and save everyone their breath. I know! I was in Mexico shortly before I left for China and found their vendors just as equally eager to exploit a tourist attraction and harass incoming gringos. The difference between Mexican vendors and Chinese vendors is that Mexican vendors tend to know a little more English than just, “Hello! Cheaper for you! Hello!”
What drives me crazy about tourism in China is that vendors not only congregate outside a tourist attraction, they plague the tourist attraction itself. Jiuzhaigou was swell and all, but I didn’t appreciate the locals asking me if I wanted to try on their Tibetan garbs for a price. Even on the Li River, small rafts would latch onto the side of our boat, and a couple of rough-looking guys would hop on board, trying to push their jade statues on us. Oh, but that’s not nearly as disruptive as the floating vendor booths on the other river ride we went on. It was supposed to be a relaxing moment, and yet they kept pestering me to buy their drinks, squirt guns, and postcards!
While I make an attempt never to reward these people for being a nuisance, Chinese tourists eat it right up. In fact, they’re part of the problem. Every attraction in China is packed with people to the point where it’s barely enjoyable. You become surrounded by these huge tour groups, whose ringleader is yelling over a megaphone, and whose members are always standing in your perfect picture or pushing you out of the way so they can take a photo of themselves with their arms spread out like a dumbass. They hit each photo opportunity as quickly as possible and run you over in the process.
I hate to be the one to say this, but Chinese tourists need to learn some manners… or at least learn how to read the signs that say “No Smoking” and “No Littering.” It’s so hard to appreciate nature when you’re sitting next to a group of middle-aged farts blowing cigarette smoke everywhere or a group of young farts eating noisily and tossing the wrappers on the ground. It wouldn’t be fair to just point the finger at the Chinese, though. Western tourists in China aren’t always on their best behavior, either. It seems like being in China gives some people an excuse to be the slob they’ve always wanted to be back home. Thanks for contributing to the problem, guys.
Fountain of Youth
In America, if a stranger sat by you on the bus, struck up a short conversation, then invited you to come to his house the next day for dinner, you would probably tell him to go to hell. In China, this is a common occurrence. To be fair, I can’t say Chinese people are always this hospitable and open towards each other. These invitations are extended to me, because I’m a foreigner (and I accept, because I’m naive). Students grow up being told by their teachers that if they want to improve their English, they need to befriend foreigners and approach them whenever possible, regardless if they look busy.
The man who sat by me on the bus a few nights ago, however, clearly didn’t need to practice English. He already spoke very well and never bothered to play the “my English is so poor, please help me” card. It’s nice to meet people who are genuinely interested in getting to know you, even if that interest still stems from the fact that you stick out like a dinosaur in a chorus line. The next day, the two of us went to the gym, played pool, ate a home-cooked meal from his mother, and went to the park to watch a nightly fountain show. I had no idea that fountain show was even there. Eleven months here, and Changzhou is still full of surprises.
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